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Why do men get upset when you say ‘no’ to sex?

By June 22, 2020No Comments

Let’s not kid. No one likes rejection.

Rejection of any kind is a bitter pill to swallow. Rejection, whether small or large, is often more painful than we realize. Sexual rejection, most often, causes a lot of conflict in relationships and leaves the rejected partner questioning their desirability. Does ‘no’ mean I am no good?

When you reject your partner:

Sexual rejection questions monogamy, as well as the rejected partner, is left pondering how does he/she get their sexual needs met without causing the other harm by not seeking satisfaction outside of the partnership? Being able to honestly admit that one doesn’t feel like sex at that moment, means that of honoring one’s body and listening to one’s needs and desires.

Often it is not WHAT is being said, but HOW it is said that is most hurtful. David Ludden, Ph.D., describes four ways that people reject sexual advances;

  • Reassuring Rejection-Reassure your partner that he/she is not the problem. You are just not in the mood right now. Suggest some cuddling or massage their feet, or simple some form of physical contact.
  • Hostile Rejection-Rejection is a harsh display of frustration toward your partner, usually involving attacking other aspects of the relationship.
  • Assertive Rejection-This type of rejection is factual and clinical without any display of emotion.
  • Deflective Rejection-Your partner will ignore blatant sexual advances or pretend to be asleep.

The most advantageous form of rejection is reassuring rejection. It is the most honest and the one that encourages the most communication.

If you are dealing with a similar issue in your relationship and are seeking advice, click here to make your appointment with Intimacy and Relationship Coach, Tracy Ziman Jacobs