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THE IMPORTANCE OF CHIVALRY AND DATE NIGHT IN RELATIONSHIPS

Ah…chivalry. When I think of chivalry, I think of my father always opening the car door for my mother, myself and my sisters, even as little girls, or walking on the roadside of the pavement. Chivalry is a term used by gentlemen offering courage, honour and protection to women, as a ‘knight in shining armour’. Today, we live in a world with so much gender-based violence that it’s hard to imagine a time when men lived with a value of chivalry as a moral compass. Chivalry in relationships can be seen as a lifestyle between partners, not merely designated to men alone, whereby we respect each other, are sensitive to each other’s needs, treat each other with dignity, and live with consciousness in the way we treat people, regardless of their sex.

Some examples of chivalry include, opening the car door for your partner, walking on the roadside of the pavement, allowing the other to go through a doorway first, giving up your seat for an elderly, pregnant or disabled person wherever possible, spoiling your partner with a small gift ‘just because’, being respectful to a person of service, standing up to greet a person when they walk into a room, and seeing your guest out of your house.

Acts of chivalry make people feel seen, valued, nurtured, and important. It is this sincere and altruistic behaviour of one that stands out as truly honourable. Where there are no hidden agenda’s or expectations for anything in return. 

Date nights are essential in romantic relationships for the reasons I call the 4 C’s: communication, commitment, continuity, and connection. Communication is the key to success in every relationship. Commitment to date night translates into the continuation of the relationship. Lastly, connection takes place when the couple is fully present and in the moment.

A good date night involves the participation of both individuals. It should be an “event”. This is possible even every week. The couple take turns in being responsible for enticing the 5 senses, sight, smell, taste, hearing and touch. I prefer date night to take place in the privacy of one’s home as there is more possibility of reinforcing lessons learned. The couple can ‘set the scene’.  It is less costly. The couple can cook together and the stress of finding babysitters is removed.

It may be easier to be led into thinking that sex is what to look forward to when planning date night. Chivalry should precede sexual intimacy, from the planning of date night to the execution of it. Consent must be established before foreplay and communication is vital. If individuals feel seen, heard, respected, and safe, then sexual intimacy should almost be a sure thing!