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Intimacy and Relationship coach, TRACY ZIMAN JACOBS, shares her pearls of wisdom on how to keep your relationship alive and kicking!


The idea that “the more you have IT, the more you want IT”, is most certainly true. However, IT, doesn’t come so easily for all of us. So, the rule of thumb that “practice makes perfect” in this instance, should apply. I realize that I am speaking in riddles but, if you apply these basic principles and do your homework, you’ll be doing IT more than often ENOUGH!!!!! Research from TODAY.com, June 2017, says that keeping up a weekly dose of sex is good enough to keep the romance alive. Why not send each other a date request? Take turns to send a quirky invitation for date night. Keep it fresh. Make an effort and you will both reap the rewards.


How many times has your guy reached for your honey pot and so the massage begins. But dear, oh dear! He is not near my

va-jay-jay! He’s massaging my bikini line! Location. Location. Location. Come on guys. Just ask if you’re in the right place. Ladies, you need to give your guy directions. However here is a news flash for women! Your man also may have a preference as to location. Have you ever asked if he is a “tip or shaft guy”? Is he more sensitive to being touched on the tip of his penis or the shaft of his penis? These questions all require conversations with each other. How about a little silicone lube to help prolong loving for hours.


Picture the scene: Guy walks into his home after a long day at the office. This is what he sees: kids fighting, school books lying all over the kitchen table, the kitchen is a mess, mom is screaming at the kids to bath and clean up. Dad goes upstairs. Gets on the bed and turns on the television. She screams, “Babe, come help with the kids.” “I’m coming’ he says. But he doesn’t. Eventually half an hour later after a few kids are bathed the family attempt dinner, which is inedible and mom and dad put the kids to bed. They are too exhausted to look at each other. They collapse into bed. Another night. Another week. Another month. Another year.

NOW, picture the scene: Guy walks into his home after a long day at the office. This is what he sees: kids fighting, school books lying all over the kitchen table, the kitchen is a mess, mom is screaming at the kids to bath and clean up. Guy puts down his brief case, says hello to his family, takes the children off to bath and leaves his wife to continue cleaning up and seeing to dinner in quiet. Dinner is ready, the family are able to sit down and eat calmly. Mom and dad enjoy talking to the kids and catch up with each other about the events of the day. The family clean up the dinner and mom and dad both put the kids to bed. If both parents are pulling equal weight, they are not depleted at the end of each day, therefore having enough energy to attend to each other as well. Build bridges with each other at the end of each day and connect with your family members.


Desire is likened to a fire that needs to be fueled and fed. We BURN with passion. That is why desire needs to be constantly fed. Women, by nature, are more spiritual beings, so we need to be reminded on a daily basis to connect with our sexuality. Erotica is a really good way to do this. Download some reading material onto your kindle and use it during your lunch break to get in the mood. Start investing in sexy matching underwear. Remind yourself that you are a sexual being who is entitled to feeling desirable. When you bring desire into your conscious mind and start to feed it like a flame, watch what happens to your sexuality and yourself and…your man.


It is said that a couple who… pray together, play together, gym together, and so on, stay together. I believe this to be true, but they should also have their own interests and hobbies. However, the physical act of engaging in an activity together, planning it together, committing to that activity and following through, brings a physical intimacy into the relationship. There is also something quite sexy about watching your partner getting all hot and sweaty at the gym. Why not enjoy a steam-bath/sauna together afterwards?


According to Men’s Fitness, June 2016, there are 5 foods to boost his and hers sex drive. Pomegranates are rich in anti-oxidants to support blood flow, therefore, reducing erectile dysfunction. Watermelonparticularly for men as it contains lycopene’s which is responsible for relaxing blood vessels and improving blood flow to certain areas. Rivaling Viagra! Pine Nuts are another one of nature’s finest with its high levels of zinc, makes this a far sexier option than slurping oysters for boosting a higher sex drive. If you have ever wondered why so many preludes to sex have begun in a coffee shop? Seems there is a certain stimulant in coffee that tends to get women ‘in the mood’. No wonder George Clooney and coffee go so well together. Yum! Lastly, leaving the best for last, chocolateChocolate releases all the ‘feel-good’ hormones such as serotonin and dopamine, making us feel happy and lowering our stress levels. The cocoa is also known to send blood to all the right areas as it increases blood flow through the arteries.


If you really want to do things differently and spice things up to another level, set the tone for love-making by slowing things down by half pace. Get romantic. Get creative. Make the time for each other by planning a special night of soft lighting, scented candles, massage oil and lubricant. Neither of you need to be very skilled in massage, you only need to know what it feels like to be touched in order to give touch. Imagine how you would like to be massaged or tickled or stroked. Do it to your partner with careful and conscious presence? You’ll have him begging for mercy.

For any inquiries or bookings, email us at tracy@totallyme.co.za.

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