Is love about finding the right person—or choosing to build the right relationship? Let’s explore the difference.
Meet Anesu and Rufaro. They came to me for a session, and during our conversation, Rufaro admitted something deeply painful—despite years of marriage, he simply couldn’t bring himself to love Anesu, no matter what they tried.
I turned to Anesu and asked how this made her feel. She shared that, in the beginning, Rufaro had pursued her relentlessly. But the moment they became sexually intimate, his interest faded. As we explored further, I uncovered a cultural expectation that shaped their relationship—where they come from, if a man sleeps with a virgin, he is expected to marry her. Rufaro felt both physically and emotionally trapped in a marriage that had been decided for him.
So, I ask you—do you believe in finding the right person, or building the right relationship?
Rufaro and Anesu’s story is not just about love—it’s about duty, expectations, and the weight of cultural obligations. Rufaro pursued Anesu wholeheartedly, but was it love? Or was it the pursuit itself that excited him? When the chase was over, and reality set in, he was left with the realisation that he had committed to someone not out of deep emotional connection, but out of obligation.
This raises an important question: Is lasting love about meeting “the one,” or is it about what you build together?
Some believe that true love is about compatibility from the start—that when you find the right person, love should flow naturally. Others believe that a strong relationship is something you create through commitment, shared values, and intentional effort.
But what happens when obligation replaces desire? When a relationship is built on external expectations rather than internal connection? Can love grow in a space where one person feels trapped, even if the other is deeply invested?
There’s no simple answer, but it’s something worth thinking about. What do you believe—does real love come from finding the right person, or choosing to build the right relationship?
If you’re questioning the foundation of your relationship—whether it’s love, duty, or something in between—you don’t have to navigate that alone.
In our sessions, we explore the layers beneath the surface: patterns, expectations, unspoken hurts, and what’s truly needed to build (or rebuild) connection.
Whether you’re feeling unsure, disconnected, or simply ready for a deeper kind of love—let’s start the conversation.
🔹 Book a session at www.totallyme.co.za/services/
Or email claire@totallyme.co.za to find out more.