Intimacy and Relationship Coach, Tracy Ziman Jacobs, convinces women to go out and be a SLUT, but not in the way that you’re thinking. The following article answers all your questions.
My client, let’s call her Robyn, has been divorced for 18 months, and she still has not had her first ‘post-divorce shag’. She was married for 11 years and as much as she was “broken” from her divorce, she has been feeling like her sexual needs are awakened as she turns closer to the age of 40.
We speak about her fears of a one-night stand and her facing body changes, being with another man again, and the possible guilt she may feel once the ‘deed’ had been done. She has not met many men yet, however she feels like she can’t seem to find the one!
The next time I see her, she is very excited, and tells me she had her ‘first’. Turns out, she met a gut at a bar through mutual friends and the connection was immediate. As it goes, they went back to his place, had a wonderful night of satisfying sex but is now guilt-ridden with thoughts about her performance, what he must think of her and how she sees herself as a slut.
I said “YES! You are a slut and welcome to the adult world of being a slut in 2019!”. I explained my acronym for S.L.U.T (Sexually Liberated Upward Thinking Woman) and that in todays society, women are allowed to be sexually liberated without feeling guilt and shame. I challenged her with the question, why is it ok for men to have one-night stands and not feel guilt and shame, yet for women it’s not? Sex between two consenting adults is nothing to be ashamed of, especially when women recognise that they have sexual needs too, which need to be met.
As Brene Brown (Research Professor) says in her book, Daring Greatly: ‘People are hardwired for connection. We crave connection with others on all intimate levels.’ Connection with others makes us feel valued and ‘seen’ in this world. We all need to be valued and seen, even if the connection is fleeting. It’s up to us to accept that we have needs and to acknowledge our past views and perceptions that society has imposed on women, and make choices that are good for us. The next phase is to forgive ourselves for the feelings that have become engraved in our subconscious by social constructs such as parents, teachers and the values of society. The final stage is to LOVE ourselves, warts and all…
We constantly need to update our information about the world, just like we update our wardrobes, and adjust our friendships. We need to update the way we think, about ourselves, challenge the myths about societal, cultural and religious beliefs, that were imposed on us as children. As adults, in a constantly changing and dynamic world, women must adjust the way they think about themselves and their behaviour.
On the other hand, promiscuous and self-harming behaviour is damaging for the soul. A greater consciousness of behaviour must must be in place for women to adjust and find a balance where they can be S.L.U.T.S, with dignity and self-assurance that they are not sluts.