If you feel like your relationship needs a bit of TLC, it might be time to chat to intimacy and relationship coach, Tracy Ziman Jacobs. Not your typical uptight marriage therapist, Tracy offers couples a more laid-back counselling approach and as a result, has been saving relationships for years through her consultancy, Totally Me. Rather than forcing couples to sit and unpack “how they feel” about every action and reaction, Tracy gets down to the nitty-gritty by helping couples go beyond their current intimacy level and rekindle the passion they once had for each other and for themselves. Something which Tracy feels is oh-so-important in this very disconnected society in which we currently live.
Of course, no one gets married assuming the relationship will end in divorce. “When I got married, I thought I’d never get divorced,” says Tracy. “It came as a bit of a shock and after my divorce, I was cynical about marriage,” she admits. But she recognised the hope we as human beings attach to marriage. “It’s the romance that brings us together and after all, people are still getting married,” she muses. So, what’s the recipe for a loving relationship in which both partners are happy?
Tracy believes the key is in the romance and that it’s vital to look at what is lacking and then go back to the basic needs of the relationship. “Look at all those characteristics that drew you to your mate and created that chemistry,” says Tracy. And, if there’s a temptation for either partner to stray, Tracy suggests it is possible to have an affair with your existing partner through role play rather than look outside the marriage for the intimacy and fulfilment you crave.
Even if you think it may be too late, it’s worth giving counselling a try before throwing in the towel. Tracy works with marriages at any stage, with couples (both straight and gay), as well as single people in need of intimacy counselling. Tracy’s skills include individual and couple’s counselling, group and family therapy, trauma counselling, employee assistance programs, divorce mediation, and pre-marriage counselling.
If you’re feeling a disconnect with your partner Tracy’s counselling work is about rekindling romance for a renewed intimate relationship. “You’ve just got to do it to understand it,” says Tracy of her sessions. “In other words, do the work and then you’ll understand it.” It’s nothing harmful – it’s about something that is positive, good and that will add value to your life, she explains. The benefits are numerous: “When you’re in synergy with the one you love, you are in a good space and you will find that you’ll sleep better, work better, have more patience with your children and be far more productive.”