Based on my research among the cricket moms and dads, the answer to my question “Why did you get married?” The general consensus is that both, men and women, wanted to pro-create. This being the most common reason. The second, was security, and lastly, they chose partners because they felt the time was right to settle down. This blew my theory that men got married to have more sex, out the water.
To get married is a very big decision. One that most of us make between the ages of 18-25 before the adult brain has finished developing. We choose life-partners without even knowing who we are and what course we wish our lives to take. It’s no wonder so many couples wake up 15 years later and they realize that neither themselves nor their partner is the same person they married.
But, 15 years ago there were no children in the picture. As young adults, nobody really has a sense of “what’s coming” and how different life will look with a lot of responsibilities etc. When a couple decide to divorce, the children suffer the most. They bear the brunt of the mess-ups us adults make. We are adults. We should be able to handle ourselves properly but instead, we don’t. We drag children through the pain and misery and think that they are resilient. This is nonsense. Children should be shielded from pain and suffering. They should not be subjected to a childhood of uncertainty, being shuffled from one house to another, being introduced to new partners and being thrown into the middle of endless legal battles and dramas.
We owe it to our children to work on our shit. To focus on staying together for the sake of the children. But not only for THEIR sake but for the sake of the family. Divorced families are fragmented families. Even the “neatest divorces” cause havoc.
Marriage takes hard work. By this I mean not silly compromises over who has the remote or putting the cap back on the toothpaste. It requires effort to get into bed after a long day and instead of going to sleep, take the time to feel out your partner. Touch him/her. Initiate physical contact. Send a sexy text during the day. Read some erotica or watch some porn during the day and prepare your mind for more intimacy. Remind yourselves what made you choose this man/woman 10-20 years ago. It was enough to decide to get married and start a life and have children. Now work at it! It takes effort and consistency and practice. That’s the work.
The only time to end a marriage at all costs is in the case of sexual, emotional, or physical abuse of any kind. No child should ever be in danger nor should they be subjected to any form of abuse at all.