Have we lost our sensitivity to touch?
Let’s take Dan (40) and Tanya (38). They have been married for 13 years.
Tanya and Dan have sex on average 5 times a month. Dan would like it more often and doesn’t like that he is always initiating sex. Tanya enjoys their sex life but wishes that Dan would kiss her more often and would spontaneously hug her while she’s making dinner or show her more affection. However, whenever he does reach for her, she thinks he only wants sex. She avoids his physical contact because she feels used by him. He feels neglected and rejected by her constantly.
The problem here is that both Dan and Tanya are craving intimacy and touch, yet they have both been hurt and they are too shy to communicate their needs to each other. They love each other and are committed to each other and their family, so neither would consider an affair.
By Dan reaching out to his wife each night after a long day, he is saying “I need you to hold me and comfort me. I need you to make love to me and nurture me with your warmth and tenderness”. Some men don’t know how to verbally communicate this so sex is their language of love.
Tanya needs Dan’s loving embrace and spontaneous affection as a sign that he is present and still attracted to her.
That he finds her desirable all the time, not only in bed, at night, when the children are sleeping.
She wants romance before and foreplay during the day as a reminder that she is more than just the
mother of his children.
The touch of an arm in the bathroom, a kiss on the neck in the kitchen, a long kiss goodbye in the driveway,
a stroke of the naked back as he gets dressed.
A moment where the intention is to connect without the intention of sex,
but just to touch each other as a symbol of being present and conscious that
A STRONG PHYSICAL CONNECTION IS THE GLUE
THAT HOLDS THE RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.
For more information, or to book an appointment with intimacy and relationship coach,
Tracy Ziman Jacobs,
please visit our website
www.totallymetracy.co.za or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org