Embarrassing sex questions answered by Intimacy Coach Tracy Ziman Jacobs

    1. ‘Is there something wrong with me because I don’t squirt?’

    Only 10-40% of women emit 30-150mls of fluid during orgasm. According to research done in 1982 it was ascertained that female ejaculate originated from the Skene’s glands: the equivalent of a female prostate. A recent study published out of Le Chesnay, France conducted by Samuel Salama, concluded and strongly support the hypothesis that female ejaculation is an involuntary urine emission as the test were correlated with emptying of the bladder during female ejaculation. However, it is not exactly urine.

  1. ‘My vagina makes a farting noise during sex. It’s very embarrassing.’

Otherwise known as a “queef” or “Fanny-fart”. According to Wikipedia, it is an emission of air from the vagina, during or after sexual intercourse, sexual acts, stretching or exercise.

  1. ‘My daughter is very upset because her friend’s boyfriend “bingered” her…I’m very upset! What is this?

The anus is an incredibly erogenous area and has become an area of great interest to many young people since the boom of technology and the accessibility of porn to teenagers. Homosexuality was listed as sexual deviant behavior according to the DSM-III in 1968 until the following decade when it was removed in 1980. It was then considered normal behavior, between 2 consenting adults, to engage in homosexual relationships. What was once TABOO is now a grand  fascination and an area that is obviously being explored in more ways than one. 

  1. Do I really need to give my husband a blow-job?

The truth is, it’s really not about the blow-job at all. It’s not about whether you like putting somebody’s urinal tract into your mouth or not. It’s about CONNECTION! If you and your partner are connecting, then oral sex is not an issue. According to Rebel Circus, August 12, 2016, only 28% of women enjoy giving oral sex. 

  1. Why won’t my wife let me go down on her when we are having sex?

Women are generally self-conscious about the way they smell and therefore the mere thought of cunnilingus has most women cringing at the knees.  If women are not communicating about issues of concern, then of course, these issues will remain myths and areas of “no-go”. Women need to understand that men love going down on their lady. It’s the smell, the taste and the warmth of the wet vagina, together with the visual aspect of the experience that is the most erotic for the man. To know that he is pleasuring his woman is the most erotic experience for him. 

  1. Why do some men prefer getting a blow-job to actual sex?

Men are turned on by what they see, so it is generally a combination of watching their lady perform oral sex, to the added sensation of the tongue to the whole mix. 

  1. ‘I have a fetish to be castrated during sex. Is this wrong?’

sexual fetish is defined as the need for an object, body part or material to achieve an elevated state of sexual arousal. 

Castration is defined as an act, usually surgical, where the man uses the use of his testes. In this case, it’s the anticipation of pain that causes the arousal. Using bands or rubber bands around the testacies until they feel pain and then turning into arousal may even cause ejaculation. The pain is linked to being kicked in the testicles as a young child in the past. Followed by an experience whereby  the boy watches an animal being castrated. He then remembers the pain in the testicles, causing him arousal, therefore, brain connection between testicles, pain, pleasure. 

Barnaby Barratt, Ph.D., a sex therapist and President of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, “experts theorize that an experience with masturbation as a young child – often one that has long been forgotten – could develop into a fetish for an object or scene that serves as a reminder.”

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